What unemployment has taught me

I've been without a full-time position for almost a year. I've learned a bit about myself in that time:

I don't mind being a stay-at-home mom. My daughter has become my life. I love reading to her, even if she wants to read the same book a dozen times in a row. I love teaching her new things. I love playing with her. I love to listen to her learn how to talk. I love cuddling with her before naptime. She has kept me grounded. And I thank her for that.

Freelancing is not for me. I'll do it because I have to keep my resume current, but I really am not a fan of freelancing. I need an office setting to keep me focused. And with the little one home, I've got a small window in which to work. And because I am at home, I always seem to have some sort of chore I need to do: laundry, dishes, dinner, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Plus, I would recommend if you want to freelance while on unemployment, try to find some sort of under-the-table gig. Apparently you can't freelance while on unemployment. I got caught because I reported my wages (like you are supposed to). I will be losing unemployment.

My last full-time job did not prepare me for new media. I actually already knew this one. I desperately tried to get them to let me take on new responsibilities that included social media. They didn't agree that the communications department was where those things should be handled(!). And now I believe it is hurting me. Even though I know social media, because it wasn't part of my responsibilities at my last job, no one wants to take a chance on me.

Day care cost a lot of money. We haven't had to pay for day care since I was laid off. And we learned that even though on unemployment I was making less than half what I was making at my last job, we were doing just fine. But now we know what the minimum amount of money I have to make, as long as we don't have to pay for day care. Lucky my mom is retired.

So those are a few things. I'm heading back to work now. I got a full-time job in retail. It's good, and it's bad. I'll be making a little more than I did on unemployment, but I'll be working some evenings and weekends. I'm working, but it's not in my field. I'll continue to look for a job in communications. I'll take on freelance gigs here and there. I'll keep keepin'on.

It's nice, but not good.

I'm sick of people looking at my unemployment as something "good" just because I now get to stay at home with my daughter.

I believe it's nice I get stay home with my daughter, but it isn't a good thing.

Because of my unemployment, I worry all the time. I'm not the worrier in my family. That would be my husband. Now my daughter is stuck with two worriers. That can't be good.

I no longer have health insurance. If I get sick, it will probably bankrupt us. That can't be good.

My self-esteem has taken a hit because I've been unemployed for so long. That can't be good.

Once I lose unemployment compensation, which is soon, and I cannot find a job soonthereafter, we may have to dip into savings. That can't be good.

I will have to go back to working part-time in retail if I can't find a job in my field. I was not a very happy person when I worked in retail. I also didn't work regular hours in retail. That can't be good.

If my husband and I could afford me to be a stay-at-home mom, we would do it. But the fact is that we really can't. So although it's nice being with my daughter, it's not a good thing.