What unemployment has taught me

I've been without a full-time position for almost a year. I've learned a bit about myself in that time:

I don't mind being a stay-at-home mom. My daughter has become my life. I love reading to her, even if she wants to read the same book a dozen times in a row. I love teaching her new things. I love playing with her. I love to listen to her learn how to talk. I love cuddling with her before naptime. She has kept me grounded. And I thank her for that.

Freelancing is not for me. I'll do it because I have to keep my resume current, but I really am not a fan of freelancing. I need an office setting to keep me focused. And with the little one home, I've got a small window in which to work. And because I am at home, I always seem to have some sort of chore I need to do: laundry, dishes, dinner, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Plus, I would recommend if you want to freelance while on unemployment, try to find some sort of under-the-table gig. Apparently you can't freelance while on unemployment. I got caught because I reported my wages (like you are supposed to). I will be losing unemployment.

My last full-time job did not prepare me for new media. I actually already knew this one. I desperately tried to get them to let me take on new responsibilities that included social media. They didn't agree that the communications department was where those things should be handled(!). And now I believe it is hurting me. Even though I know social media, because it wasn't part of my responsibilities at my last job, no one wants to take a chance on me.

Day care cost a lot of money. We haven't had to pay for day care since I was laid off. And we learned that even though on unemployment I was making less than half what I was making at my last job, we were doing just fine. But now we know what the minimum amount of money I have to make, as long as we don't have to pay for day care. Lucky my mom is retired.

So those are a few things. I'm heading back to work now. I got a full-time job in retail. It's good, and it's bad. I'll be making a little more than I did on unemployment, but I'll be working some evenings and weekends. I'm working, but it's not in my field. I'll continue to look for a job in communications. I'll take on freelance gigs here and there. I'll keep keepin'on.

I hate my job

It's finally gotten to me. In my last couple posts I noted some of the crap I deal with at work. But in the past couple days, it really has gotten to me.

I hate my job.

If we could afford for me to quit, I would. I've been looking for something new, but I haven't had any luck. I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom, but right now, I would take that over this job. At least I love my daughter.

At work I'm am undervalued, underappreciated and underpaid. There is no incentive for me even to do my job well anymore.

The worst of it is that the job is causing me to take it out on everyone I care about. I use the last of my patience on the baby and then lose it with everyone else. I'm tired. I miss my daughter. I just really hate being at work now.

There doesn't seem to be a way out. We need the money. And the economy sucks so much that I can't find something else. I'm spinning in a whirlpool I can't escape.

I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom...

Now that I'm at the end of my eighth month of pregnancy, the question I'm getting most often now is, "Are you still working?"

And I want to answer, "Why wouldn't I still be working?" But I don't. I just say, "Yes."

Some people leave it at that, but some, mostly older people (although a few folks my age have asked as well), follow up with, "When are you going to quit working?" Then they act all appalled when I tell them that I plan on working up until I give birth. I just find it a waste to stop working before the baby is born. I only get so much leave time. I would rather spend that time with the baby, not just sitting around waiting for the event to happen.

Now here is where there is even more of a shift. When I explain this to the younger people, they seem to understand and leave it at that. The older people go on. They ask this more as an appalled statement than an actual question, "You're going back to work?!"

I handle it pretty well, explaining that I like work and my mother is helping us with day care. Plus, we really can't afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Not that I really want to be a stay-at-home mom. That's not my cuppa tea. Now, my husband, on the other hand, would love to be a stay-at-home dad. Imagine what the old people would say to that! But that's another blog entry for another day.

Anyhow, it's my choice. It's what most women do. That's just the way it is nowadays. They just need to get over it.